What Acceptance Means To My Severe Autism Family

We had wonderful encounters with Josh Groban, Angelique Kidjo, and Barbara Cook, all of whom made my family feel accepted. But that is has not always been what we experience.

My family has 2 individuals on the autism spectrum. My daughter Nicole has severe autism, and my son Eric has autism. Acceptance means being seen and included as part of the greater community. They both love music, and we try to go to live concerts whenever possible. Personally, I think music is the universal language and it brings people together.

My daughter and I were attending a classical concert on a Saturday evening, and we were seated in the front row. My daughter was holding her iPad as a 'security blanket'; it was not on and the device was not making any sounds. She was occasionally making a few sounds as a stim. Shortly after the concert began, I was both equally embarrassed and outraged when the conductor proceeded to walk off the stage, and tell us that we needed to leave. I didn't want to make a scene, so I guided my daughter to walk to the back of the venue, and we sat in the last row. 

According to The Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 or ADA (42 U.S.C. § 12101), we were entitled to stay at the venue and enjoy the concert. The harassment didn't stop. Next to us sat an elderly woman who proceeded to tell my daughter that she wasn't able to record the concert. She said this several times. At the end of the concert, I informed her that my daughter has special needs, she wasn't recording, and the ADA protects us from discrimination. She huffed and puffed and left abruptly. 

These two acts from a professional musician and a community member were so discouraging to me. Some kindness from both of them would have helped being accepted as a family with a disability.

I do have three other encounters which were wonderful which made my family feel accepted.

1- Meet and Greet with Josh Groban. Josh Groban's music has made a huge impact on Nicole's life. She enjoys his music, and often listens to it on her devices, independently choosing his music. She often doesn't have spontaneous language, yet she is able to sing some of his songs. Josh was touched when I told him this story.

2- Angelique Kidjo concert. Angelique Kidjo is a multi Grammy award winning Beninoise singer-songwriter and she gives an electric live performance. Nicole attended her concert, and was very excited to see the different African instruments. After the show, we met Angelique, and I apologized that Nicole was making loud sounds during the concert. Angelique didn't mind, she embraced that Nicole was having such a good time.

3- Barbara Cook concert, and Meet and Greet. Barbara Cook was a singer and actress, mostly known for her performances in Broadway musicals. When I told Ms Cook about Nicole and her autism, and her love of music, I started to get emotional. Ms Cook wrote in Nicole's scrapbook, "I love music, too! It's a great thing".

Thank you.